you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
