I'm so fucking centered right now
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
