it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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