Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
