you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
