Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
