it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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