If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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