I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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