Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
