Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
