the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
