i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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