I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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