My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
