I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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