tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
