Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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