just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
