We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
