Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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