I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's shark week go big or go home
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
