I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
