she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
