woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
