Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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