I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
