The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it's great music for shaving your balls
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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