I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Help. Why am I so naked?
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