Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
