No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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