epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
whose parrot is this?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
