when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
