I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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