i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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