You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
