I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
