my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
