what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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