I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
