Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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