You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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