My hand turned me down
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
