I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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