I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
