Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
