Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
