Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
