Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
