exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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